Tips for Christian Singles

I gave my first sermon addressing the topic of “singleness” while serving in Hershey, PA, when I was newly married and new to full-time ministry.  I worried that I might not appreciate the subtleties of the issue, so I made appointments with two older single congregants and asked them to share about living singly over the long haul.  Recently, I stumbled across my notes from the interviews and was once again moved by them.  I share them here as a practical follow up to last Sunday’s sermon on singleness. 

Here’s their advice:

  • Count the blessings of singleness (lack of constraints, time to help others, time to do good).
  • Don’t believe the lie that marriage will fix all your problems (the “if only” syndrome).
  • Remember that marriage is a desire more than a goal.
  • Rather than asking God, “Why me?” ask, “What are you saying through these times?”
  • Keep tabs on your spiritual life (regular devotions, regular church attendance, regular small group participation, etc.).
  • Find an accountability partner.
  • Don’t let yourself get isolated; the community is there to help bear your burdens.
  • Resist jealousy, for it has the  power to isolate you from community. 
  • If you get depressed, get out and help somebody.
  • Regarding sexual urges: remember you are not the only one to struggle with these things. (Don’t fan the flame by going to bars, pool halls or reading certain magazines.  Buy a small TV.  When out with a woman or man, don’t put yourself in compromising situations. (Remember Jesus is also with you on every date))
  • Acknowledge that loneliness is a legitimate feeling, but remember that God can redeem your loneliness.
  • Embrace singleness as your portion for today.

My guess is that there is a lot more collective wisdom out there.  Please comment and share with us!

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One Response to Tips for Christian Singles

  1. Mark Rader says:

    When it comes to dating, the ball is always in your court. Make good decisions. From the outset, it is always better to choose to date (even one date) someone who holds similar spiritual beliefs. So don’t be unequally yoked even when dating. This doesn’t mean you have to share the same denomination or the same conservative to liberal christian faith. Just have a faith you can share together. It’s always better to keep Jesus and prayer out in front of your dating life. This way you are much less likely to do something you’ll regret later. As the man, there is nothing wrong (and don’t be afraid to) with taking the spiritual initiative. This doesn’t have to be a big deal. You don’t have to be the deeper or more spiritualized partner to do this. It just takes deciding you want to have Jesus present in your dating life, whether it’s just one or many dates with that special person. If you decide to go off the reservation and ask out someone who you know doesn’t share the same faith as you (or doesn’t have one at all), then please let her / him know what you are about on the first date. Don’t be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They will either be attracted to the light or blinded. Just be the light. Of course, you can usually avoid the shotgun wedding and baby if you stick to the plan .. God’s plan.

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